i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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