mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
