just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize