What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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