I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
