thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
