Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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