I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
