he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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