i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
