I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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