You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
