I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Dignity is for republicans.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
