She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
