i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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