There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
