and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize