How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
