Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
