Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
