i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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