you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
