so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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