I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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