Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
