He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize