all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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