I got chris browned last night
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
