idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
