You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize