can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
