Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
