I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
