We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I got a message the other day that just said “great titsâ€
A gentleman AND a scholar
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