We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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