apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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