I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
