My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
