Im at strip club and am horny
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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