mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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