Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
