we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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