4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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