If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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