i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
