He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
