btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
