i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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