Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
