I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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