She said her name was "party"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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