In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Two words: nipple clamps
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