I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
