how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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