Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
