I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
