I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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