im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
