I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize