So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
