So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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