my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
