Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
