if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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