Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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