After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
