forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
