So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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