I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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