ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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