When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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