remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
