i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
