If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
