There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
