are you still at the devil's house?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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