In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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