Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
