My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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