he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
