you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize