I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Randomize
