Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
