Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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