John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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