Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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