pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
