then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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