dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
