yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wish I only lived at night.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize