I have demons in me.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize