Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
