when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
