Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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