i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize